Shakespeare Sonnet 29

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

This is probably the best Shakespearean sonnet I have read, which is saying a lot for me since he is by far my favorite poet and I have read all of his poems.  The message, of course, is that even though he is a poor, outcasted man, he would not trade his life with anyone because the woman in his life makes him feel richer than kings.

I think everyone can relate to the feelings the speaker has at the beginning of the poem.  Sometimes, we all feel like everyone is better off than ourselves and that we are completely alone.  Unfortunately, we cannot all relate to the end of the sonnet, when the poet states that his love makes it all worth it.

How often are we told that love is the greatest of all powers?  That it, above all else, makes life worth living?  There is no clause when people make that statement that says "oh yes and if you cannot make someone love you, you are pretty much out of luck."  Yet, to me, it is there.  And probably to anyone else who has nobody.

My Lists

I believe that all my lists are slowly taking over my life.

Of course, this may happen to everyone.  We all have lists that we use everyday, even if they are strictly mental.  We go through our list internally when we wake up and when we go to bed.  However, my lists are my biggest projects and goals.  I have a list of books I want to read, movies I want to see, albums I want to listen to, and bucket list items I want to achieve in my life time.  I have a whole shelf in my room dedicated to list books.

Why do I have such a obsession with checklists?  I think it has always been something to control.  Even when I feel completely trapped and alone in suburbia, I feel like I am at least making progress in my intellectual development.  I want to emphasize that it is strictly internal development.

Still single, still solitary, still unhappy.

But hey, at least I have read a lot of books.

The Greatest of Pleasures

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” 
George R. R. Martin

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved to read.  It is a cliche pleasure I suppose, but one that we feel like we should all have, otherwise we are not considered smart.  But sometimes I wonder if I have benefitted from my love of books.

I should revise my earlier statement.  Ever since I was little girl, I have been obsessed with reading.  Whenever I had a free moment in school, I would inevitably pull out a novel.  Every evening my goal was to get to bed early so I could read before I fell asleep.  I began to look at my life and the people in it as if we were all part of a story, and was often disappointed when I would realize that my life was nowhere near as exciting as the lives of the heroes I read about.  I may have lived a thousand lives in my seventeen years but I seemed to have forgotten to live my own.  And now that I have remembered, I realize I never learned how.